Fake TV and Real Food

Reality Television

They call it reality television - Survivor, The Apprentice, Big Brother, The Amazing Race... and the one that started the whole craze, The Real World. Let it be known right here and now that by and large, I absolutely HATE reality TV. Although I've viewed an entire season of Survivor, The Apprentice and The Amazing Race, I no longer participate. For the most part, if it isn't on the History Channel or if it isn't a Rams or Cardinals game, I'm not interested. Here's why: let's say these people live together in a large group. Whether it's a mansion or a desert island, there must be a TON of drama. That being said, I feel like such a chump when I "get into" an episode, or even worse, actually DISCUSS the program with another person. That is because things are happening 24/7 on these shows, yet we're shown 42 minutes of heavily edited propaganda and we eat it up. Yes, I'll admit I really did enjoy Survivor and The Amazing Race, but The Apprentice was simply ridiculous. If I ever had to work with people like I saw on the Apprentice, I would most likely have more than one indictment on assault charges. Never have I seen such infantile, hackneyed attempts at work. These people were lazy, stupid and completely void of character. I would kick their ass and THEN fire them.


Real Food!

Not long ago, I posted some easy recipes that really come in under the wire in terms of time and effort. Fritos, Cheese and Tomato Soup is perhaps my favorite; and Taco Salad is also fantastic - especially in the summertime. Today, I want to share another easy-ass family recipe that I loved from the time I was hatched. Here it is!

Spinach Balls

1 - Pound ground beef
1 - Can spinach
2 - Cans buttermilk biscuits

Brown ground beef and drain. Drain canned spinach and stir into beef. Flatten biscuits (as you go) until a small spoonful of the beef/spinach mixture will fit in the middle of the flattened biscuit. Wrap biscuit and press edges together to make a "ball". Place on cookie sheet and bake until biscuit appears done. (Remember, the meat is already cooked and spinach doesn't have to be, so don't over-bake)

After these come out of the oven and cool, you'll be able to eat your body weight in these things.

I'm not sure what I'll write about next, but I'm sure it will be boring and meaningless. After all - I do have an image to uphold.

Until then...

Is It Hot Enough For Ya?

Dang Ol' Dog Days, Man!

Why is it so hot? Well, because it's summertime, mostly. Snow in South Africa, 100 degrees here. Although it's the first time in nine years it has snowed in South Africa, this time of year the temperature always reaches triple digits here in Missouri. Many people offer up many reasons for the heat, but to me the most logical explanation is global warming. So let's see what we can do to correct the problem and all buy a Hummer. Now that's a happy ending.


Light Sweet Crude

It sounds like the perfect date, but that's actually what keeps us mobile and on the highways. Last night I was watching Neal Cavuto on one of those cable news channels and saw a very interesting segment discussing immense oil reserves here in America. If tapped and tended, one million barrels of light, sweet crude oil could be produced on a daily basis. One expert's opinion was an end result of $40 per barrel - half the current price. Of course the timetable they slapped on this ambitious project was 20 years. Shit, by then we'll all either be dead or driving cars that are powered by Mr. Fusion, like on Back To The Future. Any way you slice it, I'm sure it'll be too little, too late.

Have you watched any reality TV lately? Of course you have - it's impossible to avoid it. Some thoughts on that coming next time.

Until then...

I'm Baaaaaaack!

The Family Vacation

Ok, so it’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything. Here’s why: my job only allows me to take my vacation time during the “down time” of June and July. So, with two full weeks of vacation, plus 6 comp days (we only took 3), I barely even worked during the month of July. Needless to say, that’s fine with me.

During this time, I took my family to my parents’ house in Monett, MO. That’s where I grew up and went to high school. It’s not bad going home – although a recent glut of immigrants from south of the border (Mexico, not Arkansas) has caused the Hispanic population of this small town to burgeon beyond belief. So much so, that a new pseudonym has been conceived – Monexico. A bit harsh, but entirely true. This is a small railroad town of yore that will soon be no more. I seriously give it ten years until all the families that have resided in that immediate area for generations bug out. Sad, but I suppose that’s the cycle of life.

There have been many things that have happened in the past month and a half or so that I want to discuss. The problem is, I make “mental notes” of these things, then lose those notes. Maybe I need one of those little flip-up notebooks like the cops carry on Law & Order.

The Wife and Old Friends

My wife and I spent a lot of time with an old friend of mine. He and I have been friends since the 5th or 6th grade and have stayed in touch over the past 21 years since graduating high school. While in high school, he was a great athlete. He won several events at the state track meet over the course of three years. He still holds the high hurdle and high jump records at Monett High School. The hurdle record he broke in 1983 had stood since 1922. We spent some time with him and a few other friends and had a great time. He also fixed our home computer – except now it doesn’t work.

Also on our trip, we visited an old favorite of mine; a nice little piece of serenity called Jolly Mill. This is an old mill located roughly halfway between Monett and Pierce City. The last time I was there must have been about 15 or more years ago. Then, it was an old, run down wooden mill with a cool rock dam. Now, it is an old, not-so-run-down wooden mill with a cool rock dam. We caught some crawdads and minnows and the kids loved it.

Speaking of the kids… mine are 7 and 3 years old. It seems as they get older, they fight more and more. Lots of taunting. In fact, the other day my 3-year-old son told his sister that he was going to “kick her butt”. Upon asking where he had heard that, his sister informed us that Spongebob Squarepants was the culprit. More specifically, Flats Flounder in school. “I like to kick people’s butts”, he says. I guess it’s perfectly normal for kids to fight, but it wears my ass out. Now I know how my parents must have felt.

I’ll tell you more about what’s been going on lately and how much I spent on gasoline. We drove nearly 1300 miles in the past week in our new minivan (2001 Mercury Villager) and believe me, that ain’t cheap.

Until then…

Summer Fun - I Hope!

The Big Green Egg

Grilling in the summertime is great. You can do it virtually anywhere. The key to a good grilling experience is the grill itself. My personal favorite is a Weber charcoal grill. It doesn’t matter which specific model – they’re all the best. Then there’s the Big Green Egg. Although I originally thought this product was manufactured in Springfield, MO, I was wrong. These awesome grills are made in Tucker, GA. According to some self-proclaimed experts, it is far and away the leader in the category of charcoal grilling apparatus. Click on the link and then decide for yourself.


Vacation!

It’s vacation time! Beginning tomorrow at closing time, I’m on vacation! I’m taking an entire week, plus two days (and the weekends sammidged in between) and NOT WORKING! Believe it or not, it’s been since my son was born in mid-June 2003 since I’ve had an actual vacation. I’m not talking about a “going somewhere” vacation – I’m talking about “just a freakin’ week off” vacation. When I took this job here at Learfield in Jeff City, I sold about a week and a half of vacation time back to Clear Channel. No point in losing the time AND the money – and since my time there was up, I took the green. Anyway, I’m pumped and really looking forward to the arguments my wife and I will have!


The Pointless Warning

Finally, I really feel the need to get this off my chest. For years, something has bothered me, yea verily. You’ve seen those car commercials on TV where they put that stupid warning at the bottom of the screen… “Professional driver – closed course. Do not attempt”. Then you look at the picture on the screen and what do you see? A car traveling down a perfectly straight road, at an apparent safe speed. You wait and wait – you wait for a sharp curve or a steep hill, an abrupt harnessing of the emergency brake… a small mammal running across the road – you wait for ANYthing. But it never happens. Nope, it’s an empty warning. It’s a warning that means this: “We have to give this warning because some dumb-shit tried to pop a wheelie in his Accord and bruised his tail bone and sued us.” So… in order to avoid possible, future litigation, there’s your warning. Now I’m gonna go blow some shit up – Have a great 4th O’ July!

Until then…

Summer Eatin'!

My good friend Lane McConnell has a blog which is about cooking. Lane is a girl who must be from the past. She must be what our grandmothers were like when they were in their early 20s. She’s very down-to-earth and she loves to cook. You just don’t meet girls like her anymore. I’ve met lots of girls in my life and never have I met one like Lane. You tell me when the last time was you were at a bar and met a girl and she said something to the effect, “I was canning green beans today and…” Oddly, she makes me feel like a kid again. There is a point to all of this – Lane is usually in charge of the get-togethers here at Learfield. Pie baking contests, chili-cooking contests and your basic festive events that happen within the confines of the workday. Presently, she is asking for family recipes to include in a Learfield cookbook. I plan to submit two… and here they are!

Aunt Kathy’s Summer Salad

This was originally (and is still) called Taco Salad. My family on my father's side is from Missouri, so perhaps that explains why they call it Taco Salad when there is nothing Mexican about it.

1 bag iceberg salad mix
1 8 oz. bag shredded cheese – your choice! (I use Colby/Jack)
1 large or medium tomato
1 16 oz. can of dark red kidney beans
1 bottle Kraft Catalina dressing
1 bag Fritos (I use off-brand corn chips)

Empty salad mix into large bowl.
Crunch up corn chips and pour over lettuce.
Empty cheese into bowl.
Dice the tomato, then put in bowl.
Drain beans, then put in bowl.
Pour entire bottle of dressing into bowl and mix well.
Enjoy!

It gets soggy within a few hours, but it’s gooooooood stuff! Here’s another one we used to get excited about as kids when mom made it for dinner.

Fritos, Cheese and Tomato Soup

1 family sized can of Campbell’s Tomato Soup (off brands are no good for this)
1 8 or 16 oz. bag (or block) shredded cheese. I recommend Jack cheese.
1 bag (or more) of Fritos. (I use off brand corn chips)

Heat tomato soup using milk; not water.
In individual bowls, put a handful of chips.
Sprinkle desired amount of cheese over chips. (I like mine with lots of cheese)
Pour warm soup over chips and cheese.
Enjoy!

These recipes are NOT low fat nor are they exceedingly healthy. They are, however, absolutely delicious.


The Cookout

It was just a few years ago my boss at the time, Mitch Baker, informed me of the huge difference in the terms Barbecue and Grilling. Most of the time, you'll hear people say, "We're having a BBQ this weekend", when in reality they are grilling. It was told to me that a true BBQ is when you slow cook the meat over the course of several hours using indirect heat. Grilling is what people do at home... most of the time. There are people (like my oldest brother) who will dig a pit and roast a pig at least once per summer.

Then there's me.

I'd say, on average, I grill about 4 times a week. Of course that's just from May until September, but I still toss stuff on the barbie in the snow - just not as often. When I grill, I start with a "main meat". Steaks of all kinds. Beef, pork, tuna, salmon... your choice. Then I get veggie with it and wrap some squash in foil, corn on the cob and even kabobs if I'm ambitious enough. And what cookout would be complete without some hot dogs?

There is one problem, though.

After 9 precious years of true love and complete mutual understanding, my wife pitched my Weber Bar-B-Kettle. There is no better grill. The spherical design allows air to flow evenly throughout the grill; delivering key oxygen to the area underneath the coals. I think that must be the one crucial difference between a Weber and the typical square grill... and I should know. With the glory years behind me and nursing the loss of my first grill love, I am pressing on with the aforementioned $20 square grill from Wal-Mart. It was a gift, so we figured we'd use it at least for this summer. Let me tell you it pales in comparison to my beloved Weber. I'm considering it a lesson learned. Maybe I can contact Mitch Baker and he can tell us about what many consider THE BEST grill of all - The Big Green Egg. They're made in Springfield, MO.

Until then...

Sometimes Things Bug Me!

Cars For Sale!

We see the publications in the super market foyers. We pick them up. We take them home and sometimes even read them. Heck, they’re free – and besides… I’m in the market for a new-to-me car. (The only way I’ll ever purchase a “new” car again is if I am able to pay cash) Plus, I enjoy leafing through free periodicals. Of course, I wouldn’t even be writing about this if I didn’t have some kind of beef with it. Here ‘tis. It absolutely, positively drives me nuts when the advertiser (car lot) doesn’t include the PRICE in the ad! Where’s the logic in this? Oh, they’ll say, “Well, we just want to capture your interest. Then you’ll call and we’ll have you hooked!” Bullshit. The only possible implication I can see is this: the reason you don’t put the price of the car in the ad is because there IS NO price on that car. In other words, “you come to us and we’ll bend you over.” That’s the verbiage that should be used if there are no prices. After all, we wouldn’t go to Wal-Mart and expect to haggle over the price of 409, now would we? Nope. Of course not. That being said, there is no excuse (in fact it should be illegal) for a car lot to NOT put a price of a car in the ad! I make it a point to never buy a car from a lot who practices this blatant deception. Dan O' Day offers very solid advertising logic.

Fat = Disabled

This seems to be the new trend in America. You see them everywhere. They’re so fat, they can’t perform many everyday tasks for themselves. Chris Farley joked about it on SNL. He made it sound funny, but I’m sure there is little humor involved with being morbidly obese. Obviously I don’t know the particulars of any person or persons I’ve seen in this apparent situation. All I see is a hugely fat human riding in a little scooter kindly provided by the store. Sure, they move slowly, take up a ton of extra space and get in your way in the cookie aisle, but the most disturbing part of this to me is the fact that if you follow that person, invariably they have a disabled license plate or at least the placard that hangs from the rear-view mirror. This, to me is quite ridiculous. This, to me screams legislation. Here’s where I’m coming from:
Drugs are illegal. I don’t do drugs, but how does it harm me if the guy next door is a junkie? Unless he victimizes someone (commits a crime), he has done nothing wrong. If he (or any person) commits a crime, he goes to jail. Brilliant, eh? Stay with me… it gets deeper.
There is no difference in drugging yourself to death, or eating yourself to death. In fact, I contend that drug addicts are better for society. If a person is addicted to drugs, they will, most likely, at some point miss a day of work. That day will become two and so on. They’ll lose their job and eventually commit a crime and go to jail. OR… that person will embrace his addiction and work his tail off daily in order to get that treat after the day is done. Either way, if the drug addict commits a crime, he goes to jail. He would then be much less of a drain on societal resources (jail vs. welfare) and subsequently be absent from the whole equation. If that drug addict remains a productive part of the culture, it is no other person’s business what he does on his own time – provided he is not victimizing anyone (committing crimes).


If a person is so fat they can’t walk, they’ve drugged their bodies with food – so much so that our social “safety net” programs come to the rescue. THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE! Harming your own body by whatever means is YOUR OWN BUSINESS! Whether you do it with illegal drugs or perfectly legal food, it is the same thing. Neither should be against the law. (However, people who are so fat they can’t walk who ALSO do drugs, should be shot on sight, then served in Jenny Craig microwave meals.)

Remove all prison inmates who have committed only drug offenses, and you’d have PLENTY of room for real criminals. I’ve heard it said: “That guy’s lucky… he killed that other guy and got 7 years for manslaughter – good thing he didn’t have a joint on him or he’d have gotten life!” So dang ol’ true, man.

So if you’re not a fan of the seat belt law or any other law in place that robs you of your personal freedoms, you are not alone. Don’t bother writing any state or federal officials, as they won’t hear your cry – unless you can show them how to profit from your cry.

These are just a couple of things that really tick me off. Today’s my son’s 3rd birthday, so maybe when I come back to work on Tuesday I’ll post a little something about my 4-day weekend. Or not.

Until then…

Marketing and Moolah

Effective Marketing

As a citizen of the world of broadcasting, I appreciate a good advertising campaign when I see one. Keep in mind that a good campaign doesn’t necessarily mean that I like it. Case in point: the new movie Over The Hedge. It’s a movie for kids and is being marketed as such. If you’ve seen the trailer on TV, you see the squirrel or chipmunk or whatever small, rodent-like mammal it is, burping his ABCs. My 2-year-old son certainly did NOT need that inspiration to begin his own like-efforts, but without question it has inspired him. Now the fabricated burps come easily and often. It doesn’t matter where we are – home, store, car, local eatery… whenever the need arises, this little guy can swallow air better than I could by age 5. Yep, my boy has a burping bright future! Thank you Dreamkworks Animation. As a side note and much to his mother’s chagrin, my little guy now has his sights set on making himself fart. This I’ve got to see...


Powerball!

We all dream of becoming rich. I dream of becoming wealthy. I’ve heard it said that being rich means you’ll never have to work again. Being wealthy means your kids and their kids will never have to work. Rich just doesn’t cut it for me. I need wealth. I mean let’s face it – if I ever become rich, I most certainly won’t stop there. It takes money to make money and if I had “rich” money, I’d be wealthy very quickly. That being said, I usually buy a Powerball ticket when the jackpot approaches $100 million. Tomorrow’s big prize is about $73 million. That’s close enough for me. Many people may think it’s a waste of money to buy a ticket. I think it’s a waste of money to buy more than one ticket at a time. If that first dollar isn’t lucky enough, what makes a person think that dollar number two will be? That logic escapes me. Perhaps Darin Jobe said it best: “It’s worth a dollar to day-dream for a couple of days.” My sentiments exactly. So… here’s to my one dollar! (May the force be with me)

With the weekend upon us, I may not post until Monday. That's fine... I'm sure I'll have more to discuss after the next 48 hours.

Until then...